Trauma

Over the past 15 months 18 people who were important in my life have died, including family, relations and friends. I am a black woman with underlying, pre-existing conditions putting me at high risk from COVID. I was hospitalised after contracting COVID and facing death, and have been left to cope with the lasting effects of Long COVID. The polarisation in attitudes about racism following the killing of George Floyd and the subsequent trial have caused continued personal anguish. And all this time I have been shielding, working from home estranged from the rest of my colleagues and friends at work, feeling lonely and alone without human touch.

Not surprisingly, I this has left me traumatised, and in need of support to decipher what is going on within me. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I knew something wasn’t quite right. I felt numb and tired, and lost my ‘sparkle’. People from my cultural background don’t usually find it easy to ask for help, it’s seen as a form of weakness. Also talking to strangers about your ‘business’ can be frowned upon. However I decided to ask anyway, and was surprised at how easy it was to make contact and receive a response, within a couple of days. I spoke to a lovely lady, I’ll call her Joan. She just let me talk about everything, without being pushy or trying to fix or diagnose me. Joan considered the whole of my person, including my faith and spiritual beliefs. She was kind and supportive without being judgemental or telling me what to do. Together Joan and I came up with a plan of action which has made such a difference to how I am now. I feel Stronger and more able to cope and get on with my life.

I have started to re-connect with my emotions, crying at sad movies and feeling joy when playing with my cats. I’ve also started to re-connect with friends and family, meeting up for coffee, weekend getaways and even shopping! I still have days that are not so good, but I think this is just a normal reaction to bad stuff that happens day to day for everyone. Just like getting over COVID physically has taken time, getting over trauma has taken time, but both have been achievable. I believe the key is having the courage and strength to just reach out for help.