Relapse

I’ve been thinking about relapses in health, both physical and mental. Recently I knew I’d had a definite relapse in my mental health, and the depression has caused changes in the way I think and feel and behave. Usually this happens because of a ‘trigger’ that subconsciously reactivates a Negative Automatic Thought (NAT), which may previously have been worked on, but sometimes re-surface when under pressure.

For me personally, my NAT was always around not being good enough. Because of this anything that happens which makes me think (sometimes irrationally) that I am not wanted/liked, being excluded, or rejected will bring up this old familiar way of thinking. This then affects how I feel, again in my case feeling sad, hopeless, worried about the future. Finally it can affect how I behave, ie isolating myself, internalising my thoughts/feelings, posting negative things on social media, neglecting my self-care.

Throughout the years living with clinical depression, and learning about myself I am now able to recognise these patterns. I try and do what I can to break the cycle of thoughts, feelings, and behaviour by changing one thing – even if I absolutely DON’T feel like it at the time. For example, I will go out to a rehearsal, or I will talk to a friend about the way I am thinking. If the feelings are extreme, I will seek professional help and visit my GP (which I did last week).

Right now, I am still feeling a little anxious but overall more optimistic and positive about the future.