My life matters

It has certainly been a time of turmoil over the past few months, personally, professionally, nationally and globally. Most recently has been the ‘Black Lives Matter’ and ‘I can’t breathe’ reaction to the killing of George Floyd in America, the emergence of research showing that people from a BAME (Black Asian and Minority Ethnic) background are dying disproportionately from COVID-19, and of course the lockdown.

For me personally it all became real right at the beginning, even before lockdown when my younger cousin died suddenly and unexpectedly from the virus. The shock rippled through our family that the youngest of 6 siblings was taken from us way before his time. He was in his early 40s and left behind a wife (who also ha

d the virus) and two beautiful teenage daughters. A gentle giant of a man with a heart for family, and a strong work ethic. His black life snuffed out just like that.

Before this happened I didn’t think this virus had much to do with me, but losing someone from my family, from my race jolted me hard. I was afraid, and then fear turned to anger when I read the stories of many other Black lives being lost. There were lots of theories about why it was happening, ie pre-existing conditions, lack of vitamin D, lowered immune system efficiency due to cultural weathering, lower paid jobs on the front-line being predominantly done by black people, health inequalities, over-crowding /multi-generational living and institutional racism. All I know was it made me feel sick to my stomach. I watched the daily briefings, listened to webinars and saw more and more people who looked like me and who I knew personally and professionally being affected and dying. When the killing in America happened, literally before our eyes, seeing George's life ebb away as he repeated ‘I can’t breathe’ it was like the camel that broke the straw's back. It mirrored what the virus was doing. One of the last things my dear cousin had said was he was afraid to go to sleep because he couldn’t breath.

I count myself being fortunate to have friends from many different nations and different races. I have black friends living in the UK and America (where they are the minority) who feel some of the same emotions I do. I have family and friends in Africa and the Caribbean (where they are the majority) who have a totally different experience. I have South East Asian friends who feel excluded from the BAME term, I have mixed race friends and couples and of course I have many white friends. My white friends have all sorts of views, opinions, fears and feelings of outrage or indifference, discomfort, guilt or denial. Some are acutely aware that racism still exists, some are aware of their white privilege and some are oblivious but just love EVERYONE. I am astounded by the variation but value the opportunity I’ve had to open dialogue among my friends. There are things we don’t always agree about, and that is fine because we are friends. There are things that are difficult to say and hear, but it makes our relationships richer for having the courage to share. There are things some friends will never understand and that is fine too because although we are friends we are all different. There are things we will all get wrong, including me and that's okay too. In fact I mixed up Denzel Washington and Jamie Foxxx yesterday, something I would have criticised a white friend for doing, maybe even accusing them as seeing all black people as looking the same – something that has happened to me many times in my life, being called by someone else’s name.

I think what the events of the past few months, and in fact my whole life experience of racism - and sexism, and class-ism, and mental health stigma and all other inequality and discrimination is that the main issue is about value. Just as it is important on a personal level that we value our own self worth, we should also value EVERY HUMAN LIFE as having equal value.

Photograph courtesy of Togetherness