FRIENDSHIP

I’ve been thinking about friendship and how it is linked to mental wellbeing. There is the obvious link between loneliness and low mood/depression.

Loneliness can be absolutely debilitating. That feeling of perceived isolation from the rest of the world, the feeling of being unseen, unheard – invisible. The lack of any interaction, of human connection and shared experiences. I often feel lonely watching TV alone, and having nobody to comment to about the programme I’m watching. Not using your voice for hours or days on end, especially at weekends or bank holidays when the normal routine of daily life doesn’t happen. Eating alone – that’s if you can bear to even prepare a meal.

There are simple things like this that are much better with a friend; sharing a coffee, cake or meal; chatting about the latest reality TV episode or Soap; Or just time talking about any and everything that comes to mind. Time spent being unafraid to be authentically you and knowing that you will be accepted and paid attention to.

Having friends who share your interests is great, having that person who will always go and watch amateur theatre or movies about cats. Someone who loves a good curry as much as you do, or who just loves going for coffee and cake.

A close friend can be like having family that you actively choose to have a relationship with, someone who can be closer than a sister and who plays a very different role to a partner.

The danger is that friendships can and do change over time, and sadly sometimes come to an end. This can be devastating, particularly when it is ended by someone else. The feeling of total and utter rejection can have a detrimental effect on emotional wellbeing. When a friend stops contacting you and cuts you out of their life the pain is unbearable. It can feel like losing a part of yourself. It can be particularly difficult if you continue to see their life play out – without you – on social media, or when you hear about them through mutual acquaintances. It feels like a betrayal when you realise, they are talking to people that maybe you introduced them to, yet they are no longer talking to you.

I have come to realise that getting over the loss of a significant friendship takes a lot of time and effort to come to terms with. The cycle of grief comes in play and stages like disbelief, anger, depression are all felt intensely. There is also the questioning about how genuine a close friendship really was. It makes me realise that someone I viewed as a ‘best friend’ probably didn’t view me as a best friend?

As someone who lives with depression there can be a risk of this type of situation overwhelming me, and sending me down into the pits. However, acknowledging the negatives emotions, allowing them to happen and then moving forward after letting them pass has prevented me from hitting rock bottom. I still feel the pain, and will have scars after the healing, but I know I will survive. And the positive thing about old friendships changing and ending means new ones can be developed, embraced and nurtured.