People pleasing, approval addiction and envy

I’ve been thinking about these things in relation to self-compassion and a sense of self-worth. I admit that I do find myself looking to see if people have read my blog and posts, and clicked like. I also say yes to things in order to please people so they will like me. Lastly when I see on social media that friends are doing stuff with their family or other friends, I do sometimes feel envious. There, I’ve admitted it.

I guess the first hurdle is admitting that this happens. Is it natural, does everyone do it? Is it healthy? Of course, the best state to aim for is for it not to happen, for it not to affect how I feel about myself, for it not to matter … at least not too much. Another thing is understanding why it happens in the first place, and recognising what thoughts it is invoking. Is it that I think so little of my self worth that I have to do stuff to ensure people like me? Well, this might be true for a small minority of people, but most people will like me for who I am, just as I am, warts and all. And how important is it really that anyone approves of me? Does it change my worth? Absolutely not.

Finally, friends doing things with, liking and loving others doesn’t take away from their love for me, even if I falsely believe that it does. Let me say that again, loving one person doesn’t take away from loving another. I have friends and family, and I love them all. Spending time with my niece doesn’t make me love my best friend any less; going for coffee with my work colleague doesn’t mean I like having a natter in the office with another any less. It must be the same for the others in my life. So my negative thought that others’ actions without me diminishes my love-able-ness (that’s my made up word for today) is false, wrong, and not acceptable to me today, or hopefully any day for a long time to come.