Challenging Times

Graphics by A & D Sanderson

It seems so long since I ‘put pen to paper’; so much has been happening over the past few weeks, I’ve been really busy. Work has been stressful, and everyone seems to be dropping like flies. It’s funny how you can feel like a sponge, absorbing the stress that is around you – at least I do, probably because I’m so aware of my own emotions, and because I’m sensitive and perceptive? I think there are just some people who are like that. Usually people who have suffered anxiety and depression can recognise it in others.

The choir has started up again, and although there were only 3 of us at the first one, it was still amazing to be singing again. It really is good for the soul, and makes me feel wonderful. I know my own voice isn’t perfect, and that I’m not as talented as others in harmonies, and even staying in tune, but singing certainly puts a smile on my face.

Rehearsals for Gaslight have started too – I’m so excited and nervous! The trip down to Camden where the Etcetera Theatre is was amazing, it’s such a vibrant area of London. I’m so proud to be part of the production, but to be honest feel a little intimidated by the other actors’ obvious experience and talent. I’m also scared about remembering my lines! As I’ve got older my memory has got worse, and learning lines, lyrics etc isn’t as easy as when I was younger. I know I am being a little negative about things – sometimes just how I am, but I’m sure I’ll overcome my nerves and be brilliant. It helps being coached by such supportive people.

The theme of the play is so interesting. Basically it’s about domestic violence, on a psychological level. That’s something that I have personal experience of. I was once with someone who knew about my past experience of childhood sexual abuse, and used this information to inveigle his way into my home and fool me into taking care of him practically and financially. He lied about his own experiences and about how he felt about me, in fact he was actually secretly gay and ended up cheating on me with other men! This obviously affected my self-esteem and self-confidence as a woman. I also have experience of someone close to me being in a violent relationship. Growing up I witnessed the effects of domestic abuse, and know how far reaching the damage is for children. That’s why being involved in the play, and raising awareness about the effects of domestic abuse on mental health is so important.

I’m also excited about the #MHDchallenge on the Chrissy B show. It’s actually a Mental Health Dance to raise awareness about beating depression. I’m determined to get everyone I know doing it, evening if I have to drag them kicking and screaming.

I’ve been feeling a little physically exhausted and very stiff and achy – another by-product of getting older and fighting the weight. I’ve lost a few pounds, and walked a little bit more than usual, but hope to get moving even more to loosen up those joints and muscles. Housework isn’t my favourite thing, but at least it’s one thing that gets me moving a little. To be honest I’m a little overwhelmed with the amount of things that need to get done. As always making a list, rather than having everything rolling around in my head will help me to feel less stressed, so here goes . . .

#Gaslight #mhdchallenge #singing #performance #Etcetera #MIND #DomesticViolence